I can never understand why women love being pregnant. I was a real grouch all through my pregnancy and frankly, I was so glad when it was all over with. I had plenty of time to kill during those months, which in hindsight seem perfectly blissful now. My weight gain was out of control,my hormones were all over the place and just about every human being who interacted with me got on my bloody nerves! So, in order to rant a bit I wrote about my pet peeves. Reading it now makes me smile and really puts in to perspective how life has changed so much since then.
PERSONAL PILE OF PREGGIE PEEVES
“Relax honey, it’s the one and only time you can kick your feet up and enjoy letting yourself go completely”. That’s what I usually hear every time I moan about my nine-month odyssey to motherhood. Yes, I am pregnant and although I feel very fortunate most of the time, I do have to confess that I have moments when I could tear my hair out in exasperation. Nobody ever tells you that apart from being the most ‘wonderful’ experience in your life, pregnancy brings with it an unimaginable amount of annoying and anxious moments. Below is my personal pile of pregnancy peeves, a small way of venting my frustrations. It’s better than thumping my husband! Just kidding!
Preggie Peeve (PP) Number 1 – Belly Touching
As soon as it was obvious that I was pregnant, my belly instantly became public property. I sometimes wonder whether I have a ‘rub my belly’ sticker stuck to me. I’ve had people rub my belly without any warning. Most of these people aren’t even good friends. Maybe it’s an act of affection and concern, but I’d rather people didn’t encroach my space boundaries and understood that touching or rubbing any part of my body, pregnancy or not, is completely off limits! So next time someone rubs my bulging bump, I’ve decided to rub their wobbly bellies in response. I can’t wait to see their reactions!
PP Number 2 – Losing every ounce of dignity
Since becoming pregnant, I’ve been poked, prodded and probed in the most embarrassing of places. Ever since my first visit to the doctor, when I had to drop my pants nearly four times within the span of a day, I’ve been mooning non stop to nurses, radiologists and of course my doctor. Although I’ve had it more often then most, it is inevitable for pregnant women to be ‘exposed’ to some moments of unabashed mortification. By the end of it, you stop being shy and moon away and hope that the ordeal will be over soon.
PP Number 3 – Lets not go there
Why is it okay to suddenly pry in to my private life? Now that I am pregnant, I am suddenly being bombarded with the most personal questions that either leave me completely dumbfounded or leave me stumbling desperately for some sort of a response. Here are the most annoying ones:
Usual question: Were you trying?
My usual response: errrm…I don’t know..heh heh!
What my response should be: Trying what?
Usual question: How long were you trying for?
My usual response: errrm…I don’t know..heh heh!
What my response should be: None of your bleedin’ beeswax, you nosy busybody!
Usual question: Why are you always anxious? You know, the more anxious you feel, the worse for the baby.
My usual response: I know, I can’t really help it.
What my response should be: Thank you, Miss Know it all! I’m becoming more anxious just by you saying that.
Usual question: So, how’s the baby doing?
My usual response: Fine thanks!
What my response should be: I have absolutely no idea. I’m not carrying a portable ultrasound machine in my handbag so your guess is as good as mine.
PP Number 4 – Stares
Its nice being smiled at and being greeted by people who can’t really be bothered saying hi to me in normal circumstances. It is however a little disconcerting that all the “hellos” and “good mornings” are being directed at my tummy instead. People stare at my belly everyday scrutinizing its size, secretly contemplating whether it has grown since the previous day and wondering in awe whether there is any space left in it at all. I sometimes feel like the first and the only pregnant woman in the world. It’s bad enough looking (and feeling) like a sack of potatoes in my oversized maternity pants, so go stick your eye balls somewhere else!
PP Number 5 – Planning Number 2
“Keep all the baby furniture and the clothes for your second baby.” I’m beginning to hear that piece of unsolicited advice more often everyday and I’m still to pop baby number one. Frankly, I’m too caught up with worry about issues with weight gain, fear of labor pain, swollen feet, back pain, etc to actually consider doing all this all over again. Maybe someday I will plan bump number two but for now I’d rather just get through each day without you planning my entire life for me. By the way, while you’re at it, plan my baby’s college education as well. That’ll really help!
PPP Number 6 – Everyone knows better
I must be the biggest pregnant nitwit ever! Every woman I know, who has previously been pregnant, always seems to know my problems better than me and obviously claims she never had those problems in the first place. The next time anyone says, “some women give birth in the fields and then go back to work immediately afterwards”, I am going to scream! I really don’t want to hear the heroic birthing stories of women working in paddy fields and I certainly don’t want to hear another synopsis of your perfect nine month glory.
PPP Number 7 – CLOTHES!
You’d think that with a population as large as ours and with maternity hospitals bursting at their seams, there would be no dearth of proper maternity wear in India. Far from it! Those that are available are either terribly over priced or look like shapeless tents. Having now tried desperately to fit in to my old pre-preggie clothes and risking looking like an elephant in a tutu, I’ve now reconciled to the fact that I will have to wear extra large salwar kameezes and look like a floating ship for the next few months. Emotionally though it is terribly draining to remind myself constantly by chanting “I am sexy. I feel sexy. I am beautiful”. Here’s to me being forever optimistic!
PPP Number 8 – It’s always the hormones!
Even a sigh doesn’t go unnoticed nowadays. It’s always my hormones! Ah yes, the dreaded hormones are on the loose and are having somewhat of a nine month shindig inside me, but that doesn’t mean that every time I scowl or pout it’s because of my bouncing hormones. Okay so I sniffled my way constantly through ‘Marley & Me’, but give me a break, you’ve got to be made of stone to not cry when the dog dies in the movie.
I know this will all be worth it when my little mini-me finally makes an appearance. Just looking at the ultrasound pictures makes me gush with emotions. So now that I’ve got my pile of peeves off my chest, I’m going to sit back and enjoy my chocolate cake while I swat those pesky and interfering loud mouths with my new electric fly swatter. I bought it for this very purpose. Blitz!
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